“I Didn’t Feel Like Myself Anymore” - My Unexpected Journey Into Perimenopause
January 2024 was when everything began to feel... off. At first, I couldn’t put my finger on it. I’ve always been strong, driven, and upbeat — the kind of person who doesn’t let much get in the way. I’ve never had issues with depression or anxiety.
But suddenly, the smallest things would upset me. My emotions felt right there on the surface. I was tearful. Angry. Irrational. And, most worryingly — I didn’t feel like myself anymore. It felt like someone had swapped out the operating software of my brain and left me flailing in a system I didn’t recognise.
Feeling Crazy — And Completely Alone
At first, I put it down to stress. Life, after all, is full-on. My partner and I live what looks like an idyllic existence in the Italian mountains, but off-grid living is no picnic. There’s a lot of day-to-day struggle involved — fixing things, managing water, power, and internet, all while juggling work and staying sane.
Still, this felt different. I was snapping at my dogs, flying off the handle at my partner, and lying awake in the middle of the night with my heart pounding. I felt anxious all the time. I started calling it “a frenzy”, but the truth was: I was frightened. I wasn’t just stressed — I was not myself, and that’s a terrifying thing to admit.
The Physical Symptoms Were Just as Confusing
Alongside the mental fog and panic attacks, my body was doing strange things too. I’ve struggled with gluten intolerance for years, but this was different. Everything I ate seemed to cause inflammation — acid reflux, bloating, indigestion. I felt constantly uncomfortable. I dropped weight because I had eliminated so many foods, yet I still didn’t feel well.
My eczema flared up in unusual places, my skin felt drier than ever, and my migraines — regular as clockwork — started hitting harder. Strangely, my periods were still regular, but the cramps were worse than they’d ever been. I chalked it up to ageing. But deep down, I knew something else was going on.
Perimenopause — A Word That Changed Everything
By October, after months of quietly falling apart, I finally opened up to my partner and started doing some research. The word perimenopause kept popping up. Could this be it?
During a visit to the UK in December, I was desperate to speak to a doctor. But in spite of multiple attempts — even crying on the phone to the receptionist — I couldn’t get an NHS appointment. The feeling of being ignored while clearly not coping was almost more than I could bear.
Eventually, I arranged a remote private GP appointment with Oving Medical Clinic. That appointment with Dr Morgan changed everything.
“Yes, I’m afraid everything is pointing towards Perimenopause”
That’s what Dr Morgan said. After listening respectfully and carefully to my full history and symptoms, Dr Morgan said I’d hit on a few ‘bingo phrases, he diagnosed me with perimenopause and prescribed HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) — specifically oestrogen and progesterone patches.
Now, I’m not saying HRT is a magic wand. It’s not. For one thing, we don’t get testosterone as standard in the UK, which leaves a significant gap for many women. It also doesn’t work for everyone and having spent most of my life on the contraceptive pill, I hate that I’m ‘signed up’ to hormones again! But within one week, things started changing, and by the end of week four something shifted for me.
The anxiety began to lift. I wasn’t flying into a panic when something went wrong. I wasn’t wide awake at 3 a.m. spiralling about problems I couldn’t solve. I could finally sleep again. My skin began to recover, and my migraines disappeared by the second month.
More surprisingly, my digestion improved. It took me a while to realise I wasn’t relying on kefir or indigestion sachets anymore. The constant inflammation had eased. It was like someone had opened a window and let some air back into my body.
Looking Back — The Signs Were There
I now realise the first signs appeared three months after my 50th birthday — over a year before I saw Dr Morgan at Oving Medical Clinic. And although my period pains had worsened, the earliest, most prominent signal for me was my gut. It was screaming that something wasn’t right. But because we don’t talk about menopause-related digestive issues, I thought I was imagining it.
The emotional side of things made me feel like I was losing my mind. And because I wasn’t “ill” in the traditional sense, I felt guilty even trying to see a doctor.
I said to Dr Morgan, almost in tears: “I don’t feel like myself anymore. And it scares me.” That was the sentence that resonated most with him. He told me: “That’s the key. If you don’t feel like yourself, we need to get you back.”
And thank God he did.
Why I’m Sharing This
Because my mother died when I was young, and no one warned me about perimenopause. Not in school, not in life, and not even when I tried to seek help. And I missed the “Davina” documentary!
And yet, menopause and perimenopause symptoms can affect every part of your life: mental health, sleep, skin, digestion, libido, weight, memory, emotional resilience, and more. Women going through perimenopause in their late 40s or early 50s often feel:
- Tearful, angry, or panicky without clear reason
- Struck by crippling insomnia or anxiety
- Like their body is “breaking down” in subtle but relentless ways
- Like they’re crazy, or just “not themselves”
And worse still, many feel completely alone.
I’m here to say: you are not crazy. This is real. And you are not alone.
Please Talk to Someone
Whether you’re in the UK or elsewhere, please don’t wait until you hit rock bottom. Perimenopause is not just hot flushes and skipped periods. It’s emotional chaos, identity crises, and feeling like your life is slipping through your fingers.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “That sounds like me,” then it probably is.
Talk to someone. Use the words, “I don’t feel like myself.” Let that be your red flag — and your starting point.
You deserve to feel like you again. That’s what life should be about, right?
Since I had my appointment with Dr Morgan, I’m delighted that Oving Medical Clinic has brought in Dr Georgina Hughes – a Women’s Health Specialist, no less!
Don’t wait. Get better. Click to Book an appointment now.